Category: Self-Love

As promised I’m coming back to you with a new song of the month. “Shame” is one of the many amazing tracks on Miss Jill Scott’s highly anticipated new album “The Light of the Sun” *.  Now, I’m not sure how many of you are into Neo-Soul, but I have been a fan of Neo-Soul and Miss Jill Scott‘s since I was little. Not only is she a Plus-Size Diva in every sense of the word, but she is an amazingly inspirational woman. Her talent is vast and widespread: Actress, Poet, Singer and Mother, Miss Jill Scott has been a staple in the black community and in directly the Plus-size community. And “Shame” does not lack Miss Scott’s usual style and confidence. The song, which features Eve and The A Group, is a spirited testament of ferocity in a woman who knows her worth. Thus, it is our Featured Song of the Month. Check out the video below, and listen to other tracks from “The Light of the Sun” on youtube.

* “The Light of the Sun” drops June 21.


Hello everyone! I’m back!  I feel better this week. Mostly because I’ve made my decision! So, everything is going well. I know you probably were thinking, “WTF Is this overly reflective BS?!?!?” I know…and I promise not to write another deeply self-reflective post again…Well, for now anyway. :~) With that being said, I hope you find the following post encouraging and thought-provoking. Stay happy and healthy!

Much Love,



This topic came to mind as I was cruising the internet the other day. I thought about how people consistently ask me, “What’s your goal weight?” I suppose I should have an answer but I don’t. I mean even at my size I never wanted to be “skinny.” I don’t have a goal weight, but that doesn’t mean I don’t have goals. Generally they deal with overall health and not vanity. I want to walk up a flight of stairs without feeling as though I’m going to die. I want to run short and long distances. I want to have more energy. These are my top priorities…but don’t get me wrong. I am young; and like any other woman my age I want to feel sexy and desirable. I just don’t have a specific size that I believe will make me feel that way. To be honest if you catch me on the right day, even now, I feel FINE  AS HELL… 😀 I’m not saying I’m prefect. I too have some fairly vain reasons for wanting to slim down. Particularly I would like to wear heels without feeling like an elephant balancing on stilts. Then, I would like to not have to wear “supportive undergarments” with every dress I own. (BTW: When you’re my size you better batten down the hatches, otherwise it looks like you never stop moving. You just constantly jiggle. It’s like a life-size bowl of jello. lol It’s just not a good look.)

Despite all that, I am a HUGE advocate for Size acceptance and being healthy at every size. Even while embarking on my own weight-loss journey I believe that people should work toward being healthy, not being skinny. And although people automatically associate a slender frame with being healthy, clearly this is not the case, because there are many people with severe eating disorders that cause them to be thin and unhealthy. That is an extreme but there are also “normal” sized people who aren’t healthy either. Generally they look “okay” on the outside but their internal systems are shot to hell. On the other hand, there are many people with eating disorders that cause them to be hefty and extremely unhealthy as well. The trick is to find a balance. Not everyone isn’t meant to thin. Some people just aren’t meant to be large. However, the problem comes when society tries to force the idea there is one type of beauty, or personification of health. Society strongly believes that there is only one way to be those things and being very slender is it. Unfortunately, I don’t believe this idea will change any time soon, but in recent years we have seen a global initiative to disprove this idea. But what can you do to help?

Well, next time you feel “fat” stop and consider what made you feel that way. Was it the 2 liter of soda you just drank. Or  was it the medium pizza you ate in one sitting. If that is the case, perhaps it isn’t that you feel “fat” but rather unhealthy. So the solution is simple. Change your habits! Hit the gym. Drink more water. Go see a doctor. However, proceed with caution. It is easy to get sucked into the Fat-talk we are all susceptible to.  It is easy to be hard on ourselves and even harder to love ourselves, rolls, bumps, lumps, cellulite and all. Try not to focus on a size per-say, but rather focus on overall health. I’ve found when I don’t watch the scale waiting for the pounds to slide off, they do just that. If I focus solely on the numbers on the scale I often feel discouraged if I haven’t met my goal; usually ignoring the small changes I’ve accomplished that week. For example: instead of saying I didn’t lose 2 pounds think about what you did accomplish. Did you walk a mile faster? Did you exercise longer? Were you sore after you workout? Did you lose inches? Did you eat less sugar and more protein? Did you drink more water? Etc. Focus on the small changes and ultimately they will lead to big results.

Good Luck!

Now I know Mr. Williams language is crude and perhaps offensive, but this man made me stop and think. “…It’s called SELF-esteem. It’s the esteem of your muthaf^ckin’ self…” That’s right. More often than not we blame others for how we feel about ourselves. “He called me fat.” “She said I was ugly.” “They said I that I am dumb.” He said, she said, they said, we said, everybody has something to say about everyone else. Whatever the case we allow how other people view us to affect how we view ourselves. If you don’t know the definition of self-esteem let me break it down to you. According to Wikipedia self-esteem is:

“a term used in psychology to reflect a person‘s overall evaluation or appraisal of his or her own worth. Self-esteem encompasses beliefs (for example, ‘I am competent’, ‘I am worthy’) and emotions such as triumph, despair, pride and shame[citation needed]. Self-esteem can apply specifically to a particular dimension (for example, ‘I believe I am a good writer and I feel happy about that’) or have global extent (for example, ‘I believe I am a bad person, and feel bad of myself in general’).”

Not once was there wasn’t any mention of someone other than one’s self in that definition.

This made me think back to last year when I started this whole thing. I was sad. I felt hopeless, helpless, and worthless. I blamed the nurse who told me that dreadful truth for bring these negative feelings to fruition. I said that SHE really messed with my self-esteem. To be honest, it was me all along. I felt that because I had nearly reached 500 lbs that I was hopeless, helpless, and worthless.

So in the beginning of this year I decided to stop feeling sorry for myself. I figured since the world would end the next year I needed to get my stuff together. January 8-ish of this year I decided to pick myself up out of my slump. (I know tradition is to start the first but I was still shoveling cake from New Year’s Eve in my mouth feeling sorry for myself.) I refocused my mind. I became determined.  I did the things typical people of my generation do when they want to get something done. I made an iTunes playlist. (Yes, this was getting serious.)

In keeping with tradition I picked a theme song… “A theme song?!?!” you say. “Wow, you must be some kind of douche…” No, no, there isn’t any sort douche-ry going on here. There is, however, a method to my madness. Let me explain. When dealing with a major issue or trying to carry out a goal in the long-term I’ve found that by picking something simple to keep you going will help you see better results. I like to pick songs that reflect the point I am in my life. Some people may have other methods of coping with change. To be honest the vehicle you choose isn’t important it’s it purpose. It’s meant to help you keep going. Even if you stumble be able to pick yourself up. If you can’t go it alone call on friends or family. Or if you like me, blast your theme song at full volume on repeat until its powerful message sinks into your mind, giving you a sense of Arete.

Now, my theme for 2010 was I Choose by India.Arie and it was very successful. However, it was a new year with a new theme. While trying to build the greatest makeover gym playlist, I googled songs about self-esteem. Lo and behold, I found my theme song for 2011: Looking Good, Feeling Gorgeous by RuPaul!

Now, I know what you’re thinking, “WTF? RuPaul sings?” I was surprised too! It also may seem a bit weird that I am using a drag queen’s song as my theme song of the year, but let’s face it Ru-Ru (my affectionate nickname for RuPaul) is FIERCE with a capital F.  It also doesn’t hurt that the video had a similar message of transition. Although, I am against the images portrayed of RuPaul transforming from an overweight dark-skinned African-American woman to a svelte  light-skinned european featured woman via surgery I see where he was going with the video. (Note: I don’t object to the idea of losing weight. If I did, why would I be here? I object to the idea that distinctly African features, i.e. dark-skin, a wide nose, or full lips aren’t beautiful. The fact that RuPaul is considered beautiful after those features were eliminated by surgery didn’t set well with me.)

Any-who, I fell in love with the song. It was catchy and had a nice constant beat. The lyrics are fairly repetitive, but it was the right idea.

“Woke up this morning, it’s a brighter day
I looked in the mirror, saw a new face
Cause I got myself together, steppin’ in time
Every thing’s better, this day is mine…” – RuPaul

I knew this would motivate me at the gym, so I bought it! Besides, it was that or Bootylicious by Destiny’s Child and that just was the antithesis of what I was trying to accomplish this year. :~)

So what would your theme song be? Do you agree with Katt Williams? I’d love to hear your feedback below.

P.S. Here are some songs I use to encourage myself when I feel like giving up, or I feel that I’m anything less than FABULOUS! Maybe they will encourage you too!

Songs for a Self-Esteem Boost:

Hate On Me – Jill Scott

Pretty Girl Rock – Keri Hilson

Get Me Bodied – Beyoncé

Big Girls – Bow Wow or Mike Epps

Songs of Encouragement:

Encourage Yourself – Donald Lawrence & The Tri-City Singers

The Best Is Yet to Come – Donal Lawerence & The Tri-City Singers

Brighter Day – Kirk Franklin

Survivor – Destiny’s Child

Tightrope – Janelle Monaé

Alors On Danse – Stromae

Feeling Good – Jennifer Hudson


Much Love!

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